HAPPY THANKSGIVING BACK
(aka: nuts and water)




They say that procrastination is the mother of inventention...give a little procrastination to a solo-flyer parent (such as myself) and you find yourself with a holiday you never planned, but found it exciting to just "live" it and see what might happen....

[afro disclaimer: what might work for me and the girls, does not necessarily mean that this is the right fit for anyone and their own family; THAT's what is one of the best parts is about Thanksgiving! no rules, but let's just celebrate the holiday! for a more detailed and way more intellectual "why thanksgiving is awesome" discussion (my words, not his--but sentiment was originally his idea), might I point you in the direction of Rusty H. tell him afton sent you....learn from the master; you can thank me later]


Prior to Thanksgiving thought process involved in our 2008 celebration (Salt Lake City style):

-watching the economy and news of the world. Proud to be an American, but heart is heavy for those that have difficulties ahead of them and uncertainty abounds in many areas.

-telling my company that I would not be attending the Holiday party this year and thought we should find a way to just donate the cost of the party to a food bank/shelter/anything out there that needed the cash/experience or goods more than we did. As a company (employees) I just feel so blessed and that we have so much, that this year espeically we could give back. [I DID try this last year as well, but figured that the economy spoke to this solution a little more strongly this year]

-my company said they would lose more in deposits at this point if they canceled now. (I didn't like this reason/excuse...but, know it's not my battle to fight, or my call to make, so I've let it go...sort of)

-occured to me on monday before thanksgiving that I should put my actions where my genius thoughts were....

-found it was too late to sign up to serve thanksgiving dinner at various places around town. (and girls are both under 12; i've found that is sort of a limiting factor as well)

-been listening to a lot of Gladys Knight and the Staints Unified Voices (frame of mind for the actions that follow; and cause they are AWESOME!)

-wonder if there's something we can still do to get in on just--making a small difference. no political statement, no solutions offered, just-do something.....with my limited means, two little girls and no strict plans for the upcoming weekend....

-gotta do something that does not involve me making a verbal commitment in any way or going to a post office(that's my own personal cross to bear--shipping is...tricky for me) and is just...open to interpretation...

----

So,

the girls got to come with me to work on Wednesday and that night we stopped by Sam's Club on the way home. As they amused themselves in the books and movies section, I walked around to try and find something to hand out.

My first thoughts went to--

[faster just to write down the thought process as it happened; less to write out and probably just as confusing on the first go around. don't worry, it took me until the next afternoon to get all of the pieces together myself]

Me:

let's see, mostly people will have thanksgiving meal taken care of, but they could still use something non-perishable for whenever they need it. hmmmm...wonder what the best thing might be.

Individually wrapped item for sure-probably some type of power bar or cliff bar...(paused during my researching at sam's club to look over the flavors and varieties; realized how much I hate to make choices on food for others; everyone has a right at least have SOME variety)

what if I don't find enough people that will "take" this from me....I better pick something that the girls and I can eat the leftovers of

protein is probably a pretty good bet, peanuts seem the least offensive

what if I paired the food with a see-through zip lock bag (so it doesn't look scary to someone that doesn't know the redhead lady running up to them and trying to get them to take it; brown bags are a little less transparent) AND they have these bags that let you write stuff on them....which "I" personally have never written on...betcha we could find a holiday related saying to put there....

I should make the girls do something. something non scary, but something tangible.

AHA-"I" shall pick out the pieces...the girls shall put these packages together! flash of parenting genius (happens so infrequently...better get it out in written form for proof of its existence)

peanuts...in individually wrapped bags found their way to the cart that amy and elisa were "guarding" by the books. I dropped them off and headed back out....

tried to decide which granola bar...Fiber One-my new favorite...also made it into the mix. chocolate AND a couple boxes of the regular flavor.

right next to the fiber one bars....big boxes of Rice Krispies--in different flavors. to be honest, i've only had the plain variety, but I thought they were a solid treat, good bang for the buck...and the girls would eat leftovers.

as i was looking for the big zip lock bags, I found the water bottles (who couldn't use extra yummy water in utah; and surprisingly cheap)thumbs up addition!

also in the same corner as the water was the napkins....also seemed like something handy to have in a bag. I'm sure that could be appreciated...AND...again; we could use the leftovers

[my comments about leftovers were for the contingency plan...of course...got to have a backup strategy]

there were no gallon zip lock bags at Sam's Club...so--off we went to walmart to see if they had gallon bags and turkey stickers (to stick on the napkins of course....a festive touch....) on clearance too I figured cause it was the night before turkey day...

walmart had me walking right past the packaged gum to get to the ziplock bags. price was right and it seemed like a perfect capper to the thanksgiving care packages.

no turkey stickers, but luckily...my contingency plan included a sharpie(THOSE I had....no stickers needed)

----------

Enter the next day........Thanksgiving Morning

I set up the items for the girls to put together (I'd already explained my idea of what I thought we might try doing about five times through, but gave up when they didn't quite understand; nothing better than just getting them down to work)

we talked about assembly lines and Amy and Elisa worked together(or at least didn't fight loud enough for me to hear them behind my closed bedroom door with my ipod headphones in --yes, folks; this is my gauge on if i need to dish out some momma tough love or not) to assemble the bags.

we ended up with about 45-50 bags full and they were put into our Costco plastic grocery bags (some of my very favorite "store" bags, cause they are huge and yet doable to the short-armed folk)

I showered and got dressed (yes, the stanford sweatshirt I wore for the day was totally intentional; wanted people to be able to look at me and think...hmmm..how crazy can she be if she's got a stanford sweatshirt on--just crazy enough...apparently)

Elisa and I then sat on my bed and wrote "happy thanksgiving" on the zip lock bags. I watched one of my favorite episodes of Friends (one where ross got high/season 6; Thanksgiving episode) and had some of the following thoughts running through my mind at irregular intervals:

"wonder if this will actually work"

"wonder if this is a safe thing to do (better hurry and get this done before dark)"

"wonder if anyone really needs the stuff that "I" think would be helpful"

and...my newest thought that occurred to me...

"what if I walk up to someone...thinking they are "homeless" and could use a care package...and they tell me they are NOT homeless..." or something else to unintentionally offend someone, when all I'm trying to do is bring a little thanksgiving cheer in appreciation for the many things my family has to be grateful for. It's sort of a fine line; teaching respect to my girls, showing them there are things we can do to help others; and also just paying it forward where we have the chance to pay it forward.

"I should have tried this first before I have the girls come with me" (yes, I sort of dread the unknown; but sometimes I guess the girls should experience the unknown with me ...how on earth do I teach them what to do with unknown themselves, unless I start with the safer version of...being with them while we all suffer together).

We got Happy Thanksgiving written on all the bags and I repacked them so they'd be easier to distribute.

Elisa was sent off to dress, and Amy and I had a few words...

Amy: mom, I do NOT want to have to hand any of these out; why can't we just stay here in our lovely apartment (i totally added the lovely apartment comment, but it wouldn't kill her to show appreciation once in a while ;-)

Me: amy....i know you're a little uncertain about this whole idea of mine, but I think one of the reasons you could be a little unsure is...you've never handed out food to someone you didn't know before...

Amy: sure i have....(pause; whilst I just sat in silence and just looked at my beloved child, with my eyebrows raised)...

Amy continued: I gave some food to one of my friends that forgot her lunch one day at school.

Me: glad you were generous enough to share. you're not getting out of this, and you're not sitting in the car; you'll walk close enough for me to see you and you don't have to say anything you don't want to do, but we're a family and it's a holiday...which means the parents make the rules for the day and the kids suffer through it (!) now, go get dressed.

[heartless mom. yes, I know. and there's not a thing the girls can do about it. you'll soon see why it's probably better that they have a few more years of my tutelage...mostly cause I still have some ideas that come out ok and are a little fun (imho)]

So, in the midst of the still coming thoughts as detailed above, I figured the sooner I got out there and saw for myself how this idea would play out, the faster we could get to the next step.

[ok, i actually didn't have a "step" for our day beyond distribution. I figured we should probably find food, but not a firm line of thought--most of my figuring out brain cells had gone to creation of the care packages...and the solid hope that I wasn't causing irreparable damage to my children by not having a turkey cooking in the house on Thanksgiving Day]

-----
Driving through Salt Lake towards our old neighborhood and the Library Square and City/County buildings

I had a couple locations that I have come across some potential candidates for this idea of mine, and headed towards Library Square (across from which is the city/county building) and seemed like it could be a good warm up spot before heading off to Pioneer park and the streets south of Gateway Mall. (did i just say...south? holy utah girl. without even thinking about it...used south...moment of silence for the california girl that is now hidden deep inside...)

as we were making the last turn to the Library square(at about 3pm) my mobile started ringing and I saw that it was my Dad. (in this situation, with a holiday and all, when I saw it was one of my parents, I didn't want them to have to call back --their call list is way longer than mine for the holiday--or worry about what I was doing if I didn't answer ...and who knows WHEN I'd actually get around to the two step process of listening to a voice mail (J and S, that was just for you two) so I answered the phone just as I was coming into library square; yes, even though I was still driving and didn't have my hands free.

I had a few minutes to chat with the parents and calm my nerves a little (distract me) before I got down to the business of being thankful. Since I had this idea about my thanksgiving celebration for so little time in my brain, it was a little confusing to explain to my parents what I was doing with their grandaughters on Thanksgiving, but it was probably the parade high they were still on (and their very loving nature) that they just listened, expressed their love and told us to have fun :-)

Car was parked, girls in the back. I got out and filled a smaller plastic recycle grocery bag with some care packages and slung it over my shoulder, and told the girls to get out of the car too. Elisa was anxiously excited to see what this all was about, and even packed a backpack with a few of the care packages. (my instructions to them were of course stay where I could see them if they weren't handing them out; and that i wouldn't "make" them do it, but be there to stand by and support if they saw that they wanted to try it after being out for a bit)

Through the Library square and the city building grounds we found maybe 15 takers--only a few people politely turned us down and it was a very good feeling just hand off some things that might be helpful to others. [as i'm writing this out now, I thought back to Thursday to see if I could remember what my "opener" was to hand them out....but it wasn't a consistent thing--one time I do believe i called it "thankgiving water" ] either way, it was enough of an opener to show people what I had in my hand and get the shy smile of acceptance and then hand it over, wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and be on my way.

Lest you think my halo is shining too bright, we got back in the car after the first round of distribution and drove by Pioneer Park which had a much higher number of people that could have a need for the care packages and it is right across the street from the Greek Orthodox church(very cool building) that was giving out Thanksgiving dinner and hygiene kits to anyone and everyone that came by in need.

It was at this point and driving around the block of the park, that I just didn't get the same "feel" as I had at the library square. (also tried unsuccessfully to explain to the girls what "vibe" meant or how to translate a mother's intuition feeling) My number one focus was on keeping the girls safe, and just sharing where we could. The numbers of people hanging out at the park were much higher and while I'm sure it was a good holiday and all were enjoying the sunshine and no snow of the day--it wasn't the place for us to stop. That's as good of an explanation I can offer right now...and so we continued on our way.

Actually, the specifics of the rest of thanksgiving are going to have to be done in a second installment. The short verison is:

LDS temple square visit (was open until 4:45 and girls and I walked around the exhibits; AND learned that while the sister missionaries are just as sweet as can be, they cannot accept any gifts from outsiders--yes, even on thanksgiving)

Benihana ( i've been wanting to go to since before amy was born and finally the stars alligned to provide an unexpected treat for thanksgiving; they served dinner from 5pm on...girls had their doubts until we were led upstairs and ...their lives will never be the same ...elisa has already requested birthday dinner at Benihana's).

got icecream and choco tacos on the way home AND cooked a turkey and brilliantly made red potato fries for our Friday Thanksgiving continuation meal.

Good news on our remaining care packages--we're keeping some in our car (on going discussion about what to do with the "happy thanksgiving" written on them...i'm sure the solution will be forth coming) to give out during the season; and the rest we will either hand out or give to a food bank that has a need for them.

We are a very blessed family. and it's been a good year. cue the thanksgiving music/combo christmas soul music and bring on the Mixed Nuts--december can officially be welcomed aboard...slowly.

[and a special thanks to Jen for a message that made me laugh out loud on my voice mail. and for her inspiration to sit down and even write this much about our holiday for 2008. -yes Sara, I know you were there too; thanks to you both for thinking of me... (who else could be J and S??!?!?I was referring to above :-)well...thinking of me...and sort of wanting more to the nuts and water story....]

"We write to taste life twice. Once in the moment and in retrospection." -Anais Nin. (from a great site/excellent writer; and the original inspriation to give to strangers, so many months ago is here )

bonus points for anyone that can call the quote from the title(Kimber, i'm handing this over to you and your British McHottie Husband) *newly added side note for sunday night stragglers: sorry, Kimber--jamie brought in the goods from NJ--I salute her. and...don't worry, we still love you; I'm just amazed at her ability to pick up on sister/sister telepathy...glad the signal is getting through...all the way to NJ :-)

happy thanksgiving weekend to all--and to all a good night!

-af  ¶ 3:35 PM 3 Comments

 
Amy-Girl (no that's not her real hair, but I KNOW she will LOVE this photo; Amy as Marie Antoinette last year for her play)







When last we left our my baby-blog, I was working on certification. As of this posting, I am five %-tage points away from being certified. AND I get two whole more tries at the test. AND i don't even have to pay to take the test OR the class (sheesh-they should challenge me once in a while !) actually the class was fascinating and totally awesome to see a different side of my company.

And today, I have a little something to post about my Amy-girl. (yes, that's an official nickname she's had since birth: Amy-girl...little one, Miss Amy, baby girl, honey bear, and..."AMY BREANNE!!!" when the occasion calls for it). Amy is about 10.5 and we are a few inches away from seeing eye to eye (physically) as a mother-daughter team. I've been working on this post for a little while, and need to put it up...as a permanent record of...the coolness of Amy.

She is completely herself and full of Amy-unique-ness ways of seeing her world, talking about her thoughts, and singing as the mood strikes her, as it often does, alot.... This last year, our discussions have included topics ranging from music (she is no longer allowed to tell me she doesn't like the Eagles-we've agreed not to talk about THAT group anymore; at least not until I can make her see reason), why fashion and jewlery for her translate into totally different things from my mouth to her ears as she "puts" together her outfits.

Amy is my daughter that is both awesome and totally puzzle-ing to me as the mom. I never really know what the next "issue" on the horizon will be or what question she will next need my input on. I am not the person that will say- "oh yes, thank heavens I was born knowing it all (though my 20th year got me pretty close) " but my kids have given me the reality of me seeing me help where I can, give suggestions when I think they may actually listen-especially when they actually request them...and to try and raise my voice to them only when they haven't heard my request, instruction, greeting or what have you--the first TEN times I've said it to them within earshot. It's not so much me or "my way" I'm trying to get them to learn about, but while I learn about me; they learn about themselves; and hopefully, we get places as a team.

As for Amy...
More than her relationship or interaction with me, Amy is a model older sister(Elisa and Amy are 20 months apart) and pulls out the needed "older sister wisdom" for Elisa when it's most needed. SURE....I try and keep my face as blank as possible when a new sister moment is inevitable/impending on the horizon...

(more commonly known as--mom has given her best set of "suck it up" instructions to Elisa as I'm driving the car and she's protesting the latest injustice of her world; when feelings are involved for whatever reason, and what I have said just doesn't cut it; my heart still has to play the dual role of momma wants to just squeeze you and comfort you/and tough momma wants to not get in an accident and thinks somethings you need to work through on your own--you're almost NINE for heaven's sake--yeah, it's a tough battle all around...which is why Elisa and I REALLY need our Amy balancer out-er)

back to the horizon...of the beat of silence for a moment or two while Elisa tries to figure out which direction to take her melt down. (and mom checks to make sure the doors are locked on the car and continues to drive safely) The common maneuver of mine here, is to check things out in the rear-view mirror --and I don't catch Amy's eye; rather I see her love in action. Amy scoots to the center of the back seat, close enough to Elisa to put her arm around her and, while I can't tell exactly what Amy's saying, I'm familiar with her tone.

Amy puts her voice into a higher, gentler register and she from my "front-seat" vantage point, can tell that she is fully focused on "connecting" with Elisa. It's her big sister version of help.

[disclaimer: My sincere sister-type apologies to my closest younger sister-Sara Vivian, but I'm pretty sure I never had this trait--seeing it in action, I'm fairly certain that I didn't, and I'm sorry]

Amy speaks and soothes, talks and distracts Elisa through the worst "initial" moments of distress. It's not that Elisa's stress is unacknowledged or just pushed out of the way; Amy just helps her not focus ALL her energy on it and has this ability to catch her before she spirals out of control. And pretty soon--Elisa answers Amy's questions, and after a few more minutes they are talking about fun stuff again.

My job as a Mom is to just stare straight ahead, keep driving to our destination (eventually I remember to breathe again) and, as the moment calms down a little and the girls are talking normally again; my mind wanders down the rarely visited lane of "we might actually have a chance at this whole FAMILY thing-AWESOME!!"

It's like when you put together a puzzle slowly, a piece at a time-really only seeing a little /feeling a little success bit by bit--but every so often, you can step back a little, fold your arms and just take pleasure and joy in the vision of something that connects--in the midst of it all, it really can be a challenge to remember that the pieces really all can come together, and that coolness and beauty of seeing a connection can always be appreciated.

Heaven knows-the girls are champion bicker babes, their back and forth has its moments, but their connection is theirs and theirs alone. I direct where I must; and as I know I don't tell them enough, but they have heard it before--"I'm so lucky to have an "amy" and an "elisa" in my life.  ¶ 4:56 PM 2 Comments

  THIS
(PGP Certified Technician (PCT) 2.0)


is what i'm doing this week....would that i could...tell you more about what it is...but my mind is literally spinning on its axis. cool feeling. but...a little ...unsettling at different times in the day.

certification is my prize...

wish me luck!

(my boss hasn't required that I be a "PGP Certified"just that i sit through the class for more backround training...but if i'm going to spend three days in techie-nerd class--i BETTER have some kind of endpoint of completion to show for it all) seriously no offense to techie nerds, but I myself am a reformed "accountant team-member"...so i know of the issues of which i speak. and i've seen the light and am moving towards the way cool side as soon as possible.

channeling all my brothers' computer skills....all my numbers and logic skills, my sisters' good sense...i'll let you know how i make out on Saturday. and how big of a raise i will demand. ;-)

no matter the outcome. Life is Good!

-af  ¶ 6:51 PM 1 Comments

  Never too early for a lead on a good present for myself




One of the cool things about being a single parent, is that I get to pick whatever I want to give myself for Christmas, or my birthday, or Arbor day, or Presidents day....or ....Thursday.....all are important...gift giving holidays. and i'm rarely disappointed...in myself...i have a large margin of ...acceptance for whenever, where ever and whatever...the gift is...

what I will be celebrating with this Thanksgiving? is some new pretty shoes...yes, pretty shoes are a visual weakness of mine...heaven help us all if i ever have money enough to buy :

these (pink croco pump...don't know what it is about a sling back; and i'm pretty sure that "croco" is not a word...i'm dying to make it crocco...but the shoe is very pleasing to the eye)

actually, I love the see through boxes from this site too. hhhhmmmm...the girls don't know they want these for christmas...but they do. i know it.


and I'll need to find the matching dress by christmas. my to do list gets longer every day. thank heavens. i would hate to feel like there was nothing left for me to do :-)  ¶ 6:52 PM 4 Comments

 
Honey



I miss my dog. Posting a picture of my three girls because I miss my dog today. Glad I had her for a little while in my life--for about a year and a half, but I lost her in the divorce...well, i didn't "lose" her, she went with Dan and was eventually adopted by his parents and they take very good care of her. But I trained her first, I know she still loves me and is a loyal little sweetheart. She was (and still is) Elisa's first and best babysitter/companion. Honey even let me paint her toenails once--pink. they looked L-O-V-E-L-Y.

The girls and I talk about our sweet Honey every couple of days, and I am hoping the girls will get to see each other this weekend.

Also, a special shout out today to my previous spouse (seems less negative than calling him my "EX"; and less fruity than the label of co-parent; which also implies..."work" ;-) who turned the big 3-5 on Nov 1st. (halfway to 70 !!) he's thrilled about it all. and just cause he never reads my blog, I get to post whatever I want. mostly.

happy monday to all.

i still miss my dog. but now i'm thinking about....how "I'm" not 35...for a Looonnnnggg while yet.Horray for the simple things in life.  ¶ 1:47 PM 2 Comments