we started the day with the long list of chores/organizing/cleaning and grandma leanne-ing it up here in our humble abode...

we ended with this:

{yes, that's a lovely pair of glasses on my baby girl; her personality expressed in choice of frames but, she's my baby-- forever and always}

and the first experience with medicated eye drops for her as well, which resulted in this :




and after we finally made it back to the apartment where Gram Leanne and big sis Miss Amy had been VERY hard at work, I took another look at the second shot I grabbed of the little Miss E:




and realized there was no red hair tie in--but by george, there very well could be the beginnings of another "connection" realized~




and how Jan 2008 brought these little gems to my life-{selection of frames inspired by Aunt Sar}, and further publicly declared at the beginnings of baby blog world



but really, my thoughts dwell tonight on how far little Miss E has come since her very first set of "glasses"





and I have a grateful afro-momma's heart, that the stars aligned for the conversation and activity that occurred today--before another day could pass in "fuzziness" for Elisa;

and further, at how--with all the love and devotion that parents can give, some things can slip under the "parental detection radar" to the point that when you DO finally find out the "problem" your child has in their lives,


when you dig a little deeper, now that the door has been cracked open just a touch, you uncover their work-arounds and see how they've used their brilliance to successfully camouflage any problems;

since they may not have the voice to speak out loud about the problem, only to have an "adult" tell them it's not really a problem, or it's something they're imagining or worse, that they aren't trying hard enough.


it's a very "riddle me this" situation, since elisa is surrounded by capable and loving teachers, that spend more time with her than I do and see a broader range of children and their own unique gifts and areas for improvement on an hourly basis. I am stumped as to my own child's shyness that would cause her to develop her coping techniques rather than speak up about not being able to "see" the board from where she sat.

*sigh*

this wonderment is going to have to be tagged as--"more thought needed to resolve in my mind"; Today's current success is very clear in my mind, foremost, that my healthy, happy, and sweet baby girl is now working on "seeing" things for the first time. And I am here to enjoy the journey with her.


These girls are--and still remain...gifts from up above; and I am a lucky mom!

{and, for Gram Leanne--here's one of my favorite candid shots together...it catches the beauty of the dress you worked so hard on, and your love for your OWN baby girl that was setting off on a new adventure...and NEARLY makes me forget about my 13 year (!) fixation with trying to riddle through what on earth you did with your hair to create THAT style so many years ago for the day that was to be documented FOR ALL TIME in pictures!!! like--wow; that's...quite the form of self expression for such a day ;-) }

thank you for your extra special leanne-brand support during this time of our lives!

{and it just so happened, this shot also includes a visual of one of the best gifts that was delivered as the night celebrations began--a beautiful Hawaiian lei, from aunt debbie and uncle ron, and along with this shot being one of my favorite pictures,it also ties together one of my mom's most favorite places--the lei helps to celebrate the aloha spirit; in the dead of winter, 1995. Aloha to my dear sweet and dedicated Mom!}

  ¶ 7:34 PM 3 Comments

  She's a new Momma!

[for the second and third time]


and because I have total control over what and when I post, I'm putting a virtual "new Momma" gift here--on my humble blog.

I'm posting about and uploading a scanned image of one of my favorite pictures of her before she became a Momma

[cause being a new momma tends to bring out the projection of what might be required of you in the future; "fear of the unknown" ; and remembering the sweetness and uncomplicated-ness nature of your past; otherwise known as...the "what were you thinking with them clothes you wore" :-)but LOVE the expression you were giving to our photog Shanay nay!!!]

and, those shirts we made to celebrate our self christened "club" at a religious private school, should be worth good money today--only a few of them in existence, and a whole year of college life in the making

Cheers to the NIGHT CREW of Ricks_1994! and to it's newest momma member [member once, is a member for life!]

[night crew side note: yes, I couldn't find a picture tonight that actually included M and K, but they were at this shoot in spirit, and so, to them I say "wherever you go...there you are!!!" ]



and, on a related note:

recently, daughter hypothetically voices a concern: "mom....what's THAT thing?"





Mom gives her answer to a direct question: "oh, honey--that's a permanent sticker that mommy applies to the skin on her side, each and every morning, to remind her how hard she worked during the first year-ish of college. It tells her that education is important and to not ever take college attendance for granted, but just study as much as humanly possible; to pull the A's and maintain the scholastic merit scholarship."

[pause for motherly break in "answering" such a question, before moving on to unrelated note of direction]

mom continues: "oh, and don't get a tattoo. ever in your life. even when you're 18 and think you know everything. in fact--honey, if you ever "feel" like you NEED one? call mommy, and she will talk you out of it and give you cash to keep one off your body--at least until you're 35 and have your wits about you to make such a permanent and lasting decision of putting something on your body. or at LEAST until she talks you into a more momma-friendly placement of such an expression overall...like the back of your neck...no stretch marks...GENIUS!!!...or something along those lines..."

...

oh--AND if you ever find the correct religious answer or clarification to the rambling, thinking out loud, but ends in a question, wonderment of..."sure branding your body in a permanent way is "bad"...but if you already HAVE it on your body--is it bad to clean it up a bit or make the image a little more beautiful---sort of along the lines of "i had two kids and stretch marks have ruined the overall integrity of the art so wouldn't it be acceptable to get an additional overwrite-type tattoo to beautify the original artwork?" please let me know...

not like I'm curious and have been trying to get a clear answer to such a hypothetical question since i was about....18 and three quarters years old...and so--the search continues...for truth. and its application in my life.

...

and-man I hope I have my wits about me when I'm 35. cause I think I may need them. at some point. or at least HALF of them or something. *sigh*

---

and-for the Momma that starts (again) the journey down the road of sleep deprivation and newborn babies? All in a house full of women no less; and for many years to come????


good luck! you can do it! hang in there--and keep me on your speed dial for some necessary comic relief to remind you that you once had a sense of humor. cause you did. you do. and you always will.

and your new daughters are gorgeous!

Congratulations indeed to Carrie and Laura, and first born daughter Alyssa~ all who just barely welcomed into their lives and family, the two new little lovelies: Brynne Michelle and Juliet Brianne- Happy Birthday!





...and, Carrie-when you get around to reading my blog and finding this congrats that's a little unorthodox, but ALOT of afro--happy birthday to the twins that now must be about...two ...or three years old already?

MY, how the time flies...

seems like just yesterday we were taking a set of sharpies to blank white t-shirts, eating air popped popcorn, and melting chocolate chips in a mini crock pop to dip whatever goodies we could find. and making fruit punch kool-aid in a dorm room...good times had, very nearly by all... *big smile*

just for you,

-af  ¶ 10:37 PM 1 Comments

  I love them girls of mine

yep. totally true.

AND, I'm pretty glad it's finally FRIDAY!!!

this week has been more challenging than most...but LOOK!!!!

I'm still standing!!! Ta-DA!!!!

-----

Bring on the second favorite part of my day....


(waking up and school send off will forever REMAIN my favorit-est of ALL TIME, cause really--if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere...and consecutive days in a row...as in Monday thru Friday solo flying it all the way in the AM??!?!???---boy howdy...i think a medal is forthcoming in my near future....design ideas are finalizing at light speed in my mind, even as I type this)


-----

But....

Bedtime!!! each and every night...(besides the every other friday they are in the ghetto west valley for a visit...)

Bedtime brings the afro-style negotiations (both external and internal) to the forefront

external : (responsible parent talking)

Editors note includes the detail that this conversation can really only occur after the final...light turn off and good night given-teeth brushed-bathroom break-confirmed presence of water source within arms reach-personal stuffed animal-sleeping mask-and correct pajamas present on each beautiful girl. (I HAD to give the backround...otherwise...it's just not as accurate)

my words say this:

"I love you dear...will you PLEASE get back in BED!!! right this very moment because I don't want you to be tired tomorrow...

my tone conveys...THIS:

Saying "goodnight" means the END of this day's interaction!!! and we LOVE each other forever and we think about each other in peaceful slumber in our minds...until we wake again in the morning..."{me...high pitched...gasping for control...cause I know...that on the heels of responsible external parent...it continues down the thought pathway...to....(leanne side note, you may want to brace yourself for the reality that is...your daughters unique parenting style)}

internal continuation--filter kicks in just in time (irresponsible-natural-default and tired-solo-flyer parent talking at my wits end--yes, each and nearly every night)


just like the boyfriends I had in...wait--did i have boyfriends?!?!? ok. whatever...it's the..."what you always wish you could say, but are too much of a "lady" to say it outloud to whomever that totally deserved the full fledged assault of your wrath in all it's glory" type mental dialogue; and so...in the grand tradition of females, you internalize...and suppress...and simmer...and take out your rage on the good chocolate--as time and jean size allow..


where was I?

ah yes....

telling the girls how it is...when it's "9 oclock" in the evening and they SHOULD BE ASLEEPY!!!!

internal afro:

"get BACK in bed NOW and force yourself into immediate and restful sleep, so that you don't negatively impact MY day tomorrow with your irrational temper tantrums and unrealistic and illogical demands!!!

I do NOT want to see your face without proof of serious sickness or distress before 7am tomorrow at the EARLIEST!!!...I have work to finish and chores to do and each time you come out here adds 30 minutes until when I can go to sleep!!!"

---


I am at this point---staring into the darkness of their beds or where they "should" be laying down, as I've "escorted" them back with my responsible parent presentation and after I finish my internal dialogue rant and mentally rearrange my "late" night work/chore split and/or saturday errand/chore line up....

i'm staring into space...just beyond their beds or over their heads...as I remember who and what i am...

after a beat or two of silence

my girls are in bed...I give up on deciding if they'll actually go to sleep this time...

and I turn on my heel and head back to my computer (dishes and laundry are too loud in my apartment to do until they are asleep....yes...trial and error are good friends of mine, thank you for asking...) and as I make my way to my seat---the familiar refrain starts playing in my mind...

"MAN!!!!....WHY won't they go to SLEEP!!!!!"

"I'D go to sleep if "I" were them...."

"sleep is so fun!!!"

[followed nearly split second by...every mom's favorite dove-tail thought for whatever misbehavior may have caused the latest doubt of their complete abilities as a mom]

"where have I failed them as a mom??!?"

[and then...the combo pair of momma-doubt...]

"I'm a bad mom...or else they would BE asleep"

[at this point, momma-vindication arrives in the form of a completely brilliant and time tested realization]

"...wait...I don't remember MY Mom teaching ME how to put myself to sleep...but I DO remember teaching MYSELF how to do it in my later teenage years..."

"yep...that's right..."

"I(momma afro) is responsible for the environment....and THEY...need to BE ASLEEP!!!! It's totally up to THEM!!!"

[yes, it's a vicious cycle...i agree...such are the late evening hours; they tend to bring out a different translation of our overall abilities-come what may and whatever else have you]

"....well...hhhhmmmm......"

"let's see..."

"what are MY take away moments from tonights learning experience?"

uh...

"I love my kids?!?!?"

"WAIT..."

" DO I love my kids?!!??!... they sure seem like a lot of work.....for only a little return sometimes...and alot of capital investment with no promise of return...."

[yes, I SWEAR this is the dialogue; because the dialogue NEVER stops there...it continues down the afro self soothing pathway]

"yep...I'm ...pretty sure I love my girls....I'm 99% sure right now that I'm too tired to still be awake MYSELF, much less make the call about love---since I've been OH SO successful in that area in the past..."

*sigh*

and then....comes every solo-flyer's best asset...strategy planning....[and I'm calling an end to the "thinking internally out loud" quotation marks...cause really--it's late..and I've got stuff I'm busy ignoring that I still have to do, so making myself do something I don't want to do while I'm ignoring the other stuff i don't want to do, is taxing on my brain]

maybe I should finish what MUST be done for work and for chores...then...

go to sleep.

Things ALWAYS look better in the morning. or ...you forgot about what happened the night before...and...

you'll remember why it is that you can't help loving them two little gifts from God that came into your life and continue to mirror the very best that life has to offer in all of the colors of the rainbow.

can't help but love those girls of mine.

but I ALWAYS know when it's helpful for a restful sleep period for us all




and THESE are the faces of my very own guardian angels--they require constant and diligent care; but man, I'm a lucky mom! Never perfect or knows what to do in any situation(not by a long shot, thank heavens--oh the pressure....)...I go easy on myself...and am totally humbled that we are in this journey together.




and...for any mothers out there that have those nights where they feel like they didn't "do their best"...my afro branded advice?

go to sleep

get some rest

you'll feel more refreshed in the morning.

you both will.

and you can always try something different tomorrow--BOTH of you most likely will...it's the dance of the parent child night time routine....

history has proven and time has allowed--it's how children bond with their parents...in the daily complexities of life.

and now, since I can tell by listening to the entire apartment; that all is quiet and asleepy; most of my work is done for the day...

Now, let's get down to business while quiet reigns supreme before they awaken.

Heaven help us all....

-af


  ¶ 9:46 PM 2 Comments

  Amy and Elisa meet their mom (aka-meet their match)



Merry Christmas Girls!

while you may have received this as a gift (from a parent other than me who will remain nameless to protect his identity):




for Christmas (with a "teen" rating...discovered a few days late...but never mind)

they will be using this:



Story Telling Alice

to learn about computer programming first.

Be able to demonstrate that skill to ME.

then, move on to THIS:

(highschool and college level of Alice) from www.alice.org



Before "WE" then continue the dialogue to their most recently asked question:

"When are you going to let us play Sims2???!??"

because my current answer is:

"when you learn computer programming"

Re-introducing myself as their "Mom" has not been one of my favorite conversations this holiday season, but it's necessary at times to illustrate my core belief to them that:

I make decisions that I think are in their best interest

I was not born yesterday

My humor and hair color should not be a decoy in thinking I'm an easy target

I will find a way to get them to expand their brains without making my own explode

and...let's see if this latest strategy works!

Bring on the fun.

And, to anyone who hasn't heard my theory on buying them their own computer...the girls "should" be able to give my own reason (since I think I've repeated it in 2008 no less than a bazillion times when the question surfaces) :

"you will get your own computer when you tell me how they work and build one for yourself out of a kit-piece by piece". [Don't worry, I'm not totally heartless; I'll provide supplies for them to do this, but one at a time and only as they build onto their own computer "works" theory and system one step at a time]

-af.  ¶ 12:44 PM 3 Comments