Feb 10, 2002


Feb 10th-is one of those days...

one of those self-appointed "holidays" where a "personal day of observance" is called for (afro-specific).

yes--challenge further extended to find your own version of "holidays" for what are the most meaningful days of marking the passage of time and remembrance for you--and your own...birthdays, anniversaries and the like--too easy...important..but predictably easy--just find the day(s) that are yours and yours alone. it took me "7" years to write about this one--so no need to rush the publication of such a date for whatever you may determine that's worth the celebrating...

but here, on af and the girls... it's also a conflict of interest in my desire to protect the girls and remember the afro-holidays ---*sigh* ---to protect those girls of mine that are such gifts from above...

where every morning I wake up; is another day I get to ponder the presence of such gifts in my life:

and....

I think

(about the past; and the girls....and their impending future opportunities)

I plan

(for the day...the week...the month...our lives)

I pray

(for all of it; a deep...continuous prayer in my heart--for our continued safety and well-being here on our journey together)

and I wonder--at the miracle of love that mothers feel for their own children.

I wonder --at the depth of feeling that I "feel" for my offspring; and for the curiosity I feel whenever I see something..."new" that they are reasoning through on their own...

and overall...I wonder just about "them".

I AM lucky indeed--to be close enough to see, to witness, and to be--"the GREATEST MOM EVER!!!!"

uh...the "the greatest mom ever??!!??!" designation is from the girls themselves...at which; when they verbalize this "title" outloud brings an immediate response from the afro of: "what do you WANT.....???" and..." what's your angle girls?" as I wait to hear the "catch" for such a proclamation of hope, love and skill...on a "mom" level that I am certain I have yet to master.

but then...

smiles are exchanges between those girls and I...

eye contact is met...and emotions of the heart are relayed between us two...(or three...depending on the "gang-up" factor in play...)

and I say---loud enough for all of us to hear and hopefully--internalize....

"i don't WANT to be the greatest mom ever!!!...i WANT to be the best mom for amy and elisa...and I want to be the "best mom for MY girls!!!...and TO my girls!!!"...and each day--THIS is the job that i am most concerned with doing to the best of my ability."

internal afro-dialogue: "i don't do it perfectly--but each, and every single day--I awake--and renew again, my desire--to move forward, or try again, try something better---or try something else--for whatever will "help" these two little gifts of mine."

they may see a bonus of a mom in me

but me?

I see their own future in their eyes, the possibilities and the dreams for their own life adventures; and further--as their mom, I feel the weight of responsibility and future accountability for the gifts that I am privileged to have influence on to give the very best of myself---to help their own future "selves" be realized...

and maybe...for whatever time I have available to BE with them? I will chose to do the very best that I am capable of; if I identify an area for improvement, I move towards ideas for improvement, and try not to waste time on the fantasy notion of--wouldn't it all just be better if we lived on a beach somewhere?

with a chef?

and a nanny?

and a maid?

and...a segway?

and ...a million dollars?

and so forth...


just cause...if you can't imagine the possibilities---how on earth--do you deal with the reality that is--Feb10th?...every single...year.

all is good. and thinking about the girls ALWAYS brings the smile to my heart. no matter the time of day...

uh--and I actually "do" have a scanned copy of a journal entry that I wrote on Feb10th, 2002--but--THIS posting...is devoted to the girls.

and such is my life. Devoted to the girls. So therefore and thus-ly...the afro that wrote that journal entry way back in 2002--and had no IDEA...the future happiness that was to be hers--of how it would feel to live with 7 more years of such precious gifts from above??? this is HER post...to remember the gifts that continue to be hers. for they will always be distinguished as such--gifts!





excellent transition and alterance (?word?) of focus. no??!??!! indeed...and--Let the good times roll!!!my goodness---THOSE are precious looking gifts-indeed! what else is there....

honestly.


-af  ¶ 10:47 PM